Thanks to Hollywood movies and general social stereotypes, we tend to get a lot of ideas about sex that just don’t add up in the real world. One of the big ones is that desire only occurs when you see something you like or when Prince Charming does something sweet.
That’s not true. Desire actually looks different for everyone, and all kinds of things can trigger it. For the most part, you can separate desire into two main categories. There’s responsive desire and spontaneous desire.
Here’s a breakdown of the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire and how you can nudge your libido along when things just aren’t working the way you want.
What is Responsive Desire?
Responsive desire is when your motor kicks into overdrive because you’re actively being stimulated. This can mean that you need to be touched sensually or actually start the sexual encounter before you get turned on, or it can mean that another need, such as forming an emotional connection, has to be met before you get turned on.
This is usually attributed to women, but it can easily be the case for anyone.
This type of sexual desire can sometimes be hard to work with. In some cases, it can be a lot like going to work on Monday morning. You know it’ll be fine once you actually get there and get started, but if you’re struggling to get out of bed, calling off seems like a great option. Except, with sexual desire, “calling off” means missing out on a lot of fun.
What is Spontaneous Desire?
Spontaneous desire occurs when you’re just going about your day, nothing sexual is happening, and there’s nothing romantic going on, and you suddenly want nothing more than to climb between the sheets and have some fun.
When your libido is working normally, this can be a little problematic. It’s not always a good time, or if your partner is more responsive with their libido, you might not be focused on their needs while you’re trying desperately to dive right in.
When you’re used to this happening, and it suddenly stops, you might think something is wrong, or assume that you’re simply not turned on, while your sex life starts to dwindle.
It’s Not Either/Or All the Time
It’s easy for you to lump yourself into a category and toss a label on yourself. If you read the descriptions of responsive and spontaneous desire, you probably figured you were either of those.
Well, desire is actually pretty fluid. You might get turned on one way most of the time, but there are other situations where things pan out differently. You might even consistently have the same experience getting aroused, and then life throws a curveball at you.
Libido is mostly caused by hormones, and hormones are never perfectly predictable. So, there’s plenty of room for you to unknowingly switch things up occasionally. This is also why it is normal for libido to fluctuate.
It’s good to know what you usually need to get your motor running so you can be prepared, and so your partner knows how to work with you and meet your needs.
Taking Control of Your Desire
There’s a big issue with both of these desire triggers. They’re not all that reliable.
If you’re responsive, you might wait around hoping the right movement or gesture gets your blood boiling and your chest heaving, and that might not come. If you’re spontaneous, you’re pretty much hoping your libido kicks in at the right time.
It’s a lot worse if you and your partner have opposing sex triggers that neither of you understands. Fortunately, there are a few ways that you can take control of your libido.
1. Communicate with Your Partner
This is one of the most important things for you to do, because even if you use a libido enhancer, communication plays a key role.
You and your partner should identify the things that turn you on and how they turn you on, and then let each other know those details. It makes it a lot easier for both of you to meet each other’s needs.
For example, let’s say you’re responsive and your partner is spontaneous. If they know you have a special spot that needs to be stimulated before you get hot and bothered, they can work that spot when their libido randomly fires up instead of just expecting sex to happen while you’re completely uninterested.
Of course, if you’re not with a consistent sex partner that you communicate those things to, it’s a bit harder. While fun and often spontaneous, casual sex doescreate some challenges of its own.
2. Try Kinki
Communication can’t pull all the weight. If one or both of your libidos aren’t wanting to fire up, you can rub each other the right way all day, and nothing’s likely to happen. One of the ways to resolve the problem is to suggest trying a libido booster.
And that’s where Kinki comes in. It gives you control of your libido. You eat Kinki when the two of you are looking to have sex, and within 15 minutes, you’re both ready to go.
What is Kinki and How Does It Work?
Kinki is sex chocolate. It’s a natural libido booster that gets all the blockers out of the way of your natural libido, and it causes some reactions in your body that nudge your libido along.
Kinki gets rid of stress and anxiety, helps your body pump blood to your fun bits, balances your hormones, and gives you the stamina you need to thrust all night without passing out or ending the show a bit too early.
It does all that with a mix of ashwagandha, maca root, red ginseng, rhodiola, DHEA, and longjack root, some of the most effective natural aphrodisiacs.
You can take it on your own if you’re the one suffering from libido issues and want to make sure your libido gets the job done, you can take it as a couple to boost both your libidos and enhance your experience, or you can even enjoy it solo!
Try Kinki Today
If you’re having trouble getting your libido to match your partner’s, or you just want a bit more control over when you have sex, Kinki can help!
Contact us to find out how to turn up the heat in your sex life!